As I sit here deciding to write for the first time in forever (what feels like forever), I get the cute little notification that my little bean is as big as a Large Banana and a promise that I am more than halfway to the finish line.
I know people and experts have compared being pregnant to a marathon and boy does it truly feel like one (although I’ve never ran one).
The past 4 months have been a blur, prior to that I breastfed 10 months for my now 13-month-old, until I had to stop because my body could not provide the necessary nutrition for both babies.
Man was I excited to hear I was pregnant again but once it all settled in, I realized, “Another Hyperemesis Gravidarum pregnancy” and my hopes and my excitement went down a notch. I didn’t know if I was ready to go through it again, but that’s the thing, I had to, I had no choice in the matter…. What’s done is done.
Those first few weeks after I found out, I actually felt OK, considering with my prior 3 pregnancies I felt sick at 4 and 5 weeks, this pregnancy felt a bit different.
Here’s a gap I need to fill… After my third pregnancy, I had to make the decision to no longer have more children and that was a tough pill to swallow.
I had always wanted a big family, but after my second HG pregnancy, we knew that the path wasn’t easy for us to have kids and at times, mine and my babies’ lives were on the line when I was going through this sickness.
Having that said, after my third baby I either had to decide, no more children, OR, if I go through it again, I have to fight, maybe embrace the sickness, don’t let it win. But the 7th week came by and all the positivity was erased by constant trips to the toilet (half of them not making it), extreme dizziness, nausea, fatigue, it felt like I was wasting away.
I’ve always been able to accomplish the things I’ve put my mind to but THIS. THIS was what overcame me. I fell into slight depression, I say slight because for my 3rd pregnancy, it was much darker and scarier, I cried anguish from my soul nightly and was on many medications that made me sleep because that’s all that took away the nausea.
All those plans I had of fighting were gone. I couldn’t anymore… But my husband pointed me to Christ every chance he got. He picked up the labor of the things I normally did. He encouraged me when I felt even slightly down. He gave me the fight I could no longer lift my hands for.
Like Moses, Aaron and Hur during the battle with the Amalekites. When my arms labored and could no longer, Abraham, my husband lifted them up for me.
I’m happy to say that this pregnancy turned out to still be HG but a way more moderate version of it. My vomiting has been controlled (for the most part) by Zofran. I have an upset stomach 100% of the time but that’s just a given, I think.
But I can now work a bit again, I can be my kids’ go to again (for the most part), I can go on walks… It feels like I’m regaining a bit of life.
I’m ecstatic for this new baby bean that’s coming into our lives, I can’t believe God has given me 4 children, I just feel absolutely blessed. Because of this newfound feeling, I wanted to start my blog finally.
I told myself I wanted to document this time instead of becoming a shell of a human, which I did for all my other pregnancies, I want to fight against what this sickness does to me by doing something I like to do.
Write, be creative, and just be the rawest ME.
Elizabethjenny 